I have so much BOB (baby on the brain) that I can’t even think in sentences.
I think I’m really pissed off that my body has let me down. And I know I’m going to get more ammunition next week when the RE tells me what *else* is out of whack. I’m pissed at it even thought it fought off cancer like a real hero and kept it away; and it stayed strong while I dabbled in an eating disorder. But now….now I’m just pissed at it.
I really want to get a hold of my life, but I just can’t motivate! My thoughts *exhaust* me. BOB (baby on the brain) exhausts me!
But everything I do is baby related. Wake up. pee on a stick. drive to work with BOB. Get to work and start researching all things BOB. make appointments for bloods, acupuncture, therapy. Talk to friends who ask about whats going on. Drive home with BOB. and then wait for the next day for it to start again. I believe some call it: obsessing.
My lack of productivity at work hasn’t been noticed. I told my boss that I was bored at work today. I’m thinking, maybe getting my mind re-engaged will be a good break from BOB. It’ll take up some of the time (not all) I spend Googling everything fertility/ TTC related. And yes, I think soon I will prove that in fact, you CAN run out of things to look up online.
So this is my half hearted attempt to figure out how to manage BOB.
1. I will make time to get back into shape. The current situation is bleak.
2. I won’t turn the TV on after work and watch rerun after rerun of SVU while BOBing
3. I WILL start engaging in things that are exciting for both me and DH.
GOAL: this week I'll make plans to visit friends in DC, start a sewing project and finish a book. AND get to yoga.
4. I'll start productivly Blogging instead of BOBing
And before the night is over my lazy ass will get in the kitchen and make lunch to take to work tomorrow. Ok time to turn off the computer.